My fingers do the talking this time | |
Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?
I am one of those melodramatic fools. Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it.
Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up. I think I'm cracking up.
Am I just paranoid? Am I just stoned?
- "Basket Case" by Green Day
Whew...
Grasping to control. So I better hold on...
Feeling sorry? Here's why:
Either I shouldn't have resigned or I shouldn't have applied at all.
I shouldn't have "returned".
I shouldn't have left that other company.
Shouldn't have taken nor reviewed for that thing, or those things.
Should have applied earlier, say, 3 months earlier.
Shouldn't have left that place.
Should have quit before it was too late, or should have not gone through everything at all.
Should have fixed everything so the near future could have been better if not perfect.
Shouldn't have joined..? Maybe, perhaps, everything would be, I don't know.
One or more of those happened (or didn't happen), everything could have been so much better.
Pag nasira na, mahirap nang ayusin pa. Di kayang ipagdikit ang tiwala pag napunit.
Pag naubos na, bigla-biglaan talaga. Mahirap nang makita kapag minsa'y nawala.
Pag namantsahan na, mahirap nang linisin pa. Di kayang burahin kahit na anong gawin.
("Choco Latte" by Parokya Ni Edgar)
TNT has a poll for this in NBA.com (click here). ESPN made their own list (click here). Now here's mine. As if you care. Top players: Too many. Let's sort 'em out. Parang mga halimaw sa Ghost Fighter. Class S: Cream of the crop. Each with four titles to date. Each with a Regular Season and Finals MVP awards. Tim Duncan Kobe Bryant Shaquille O'neal Class A: Legit superstars. Has an MVP and/or a title under their belts. Kevin Garnett Dirk Nowitzki Dwyane Wade LeBron James Steve Nash Allen Iverson (damn it) Class B: All-stars that have won title/s. Or not. Sick skills, champ or no champ. Jason Kidd* Chauncey Billups Tony Parker Ray Allen Manu Ginobili Dwight Howard* Chris Paul* Carmelo Anthony* Paul Pierce Rasheed Wallace Ben Wallace Best team franchise: San Antonio Spurs. Three titles. Best regular season and playoff record from 2000 to 2009. And also, the best team for me would be the 2002-03 Spurs. Won 60 games and won it all after beating the Suns, Lakers, Mavs and Nets in the Playoffs. Most dominant offensive player: Kobe. Fine, he's unstoppable. I still don't like him, though. Best defender: Ben Wallace. At one point, he led the league in rebounds, blocks AND steals. *Gong* Coach of the decade: Gregg Popovich. Three rings in the decade. Easily could've been Phil Jackson because of the four titles, if he coached in '05, and if the Lakers didn't get owned by the Suns in '06 and '07.
Commercial muna. Quote galing sa trainer ko sa Cisco: "Bakit ka iinom kung ayaw mo malasing?" Tama nga naman. Yun ang silbi ng alak di ba?
Downside ng walang trabaho: walang regalo sa sarili (pati sa iba). Last year, unang 13th month pay ng tanang buhay ko. Nakabili ako ng, well, madami. Ngayon, wala.
Sana March na. Tapos pag March na, sana April na para may trabaho na ako (sa Canada). Sana.
Last: makikipagbreak na nga lang, nakatulugan pa.
Bukas, December 9, 2009, isang taon na mula nung nag-take ako ng NCLEX. Mula noon, ano na nga ba ang mga nagawa ko? Sabihin na lang nating wala. (?)
Pero ang galing dahil kanina ay nandun ako sa lugar kung saan ako nagreview last year, pero wala na dun ngayon (ICSEC Kaplan Makati sa Ayala-Rufino) na malapit sa test venue ko (Trident Tower Buendia).
Sa paghahanda para sa linchak na exam na yun, ganito ang naging buhay ko:
Monday:
> Gising sa sleeping area ng APAC. Hilamos, mumog, sibat.
> Kain breakfast tapos lakad mula Northgate hanggang Metropolis. Sakay ng bus papuntang SLEX-Buendia o kaya EDSA-Ayala para makarating sa review center.
> Dahil walang review session pag monday, self study lang hanggang hapon.
> Uwi tapos tulog sandali. Pag-gising, prepare naman para sa trabaho.
> Calls, calls, calls. Pagkatapos ng shift, tulog sa sleeping area.
Tuesday:
> Gising sa pinagtulugan ko. Minsan di ko maramdaman ang braso ko dahil nadaganan ko pagtulog. Parang Monday lang din. Rinse and repeat.
> Review session sa umaga. Pag sinipag, self study sa hapon. Tapos uwi muna.
> Trabaho sa gabi. Tapos tulog ulit sa sleeping area. Parang sarling kwarto ko na ang lugar na yun. O pwede ring umuwi. Total day off naman kinabukasan.
Wednesday:
Favorite na araw ko 'to dahil day off. Ang ginagawa ko lang ay swimming at nood ng DVD o gala kahit saan.
Thursday:
> Dahil tayuan ang mga bus paluwas ng Maynila, nagjjeep na lang ako papuntang Baclaran tapos bus papuntang Ayala.
> Lecture-lecture sa umaga, tapos may exam, tapos self study, tapos derecho Alabang para matulog nang konti bago magtrabaho. Tapos ng shift, uwi.
Friday:
Parang Thursday lang din, pero walang review sa umaga.
Saturday:
Ganun lang din. May review nga lang sa umaga.
Sunday:
Isa ko pang day off pero mas pinili kong mag-overtime.
Working student kuno ako last year. Pero ayus lang. Nakapasa naman sa NCLEX. At maraming pera, di tulad ngayon.
Kaya kailangan ko burahin ang mga bagay tulad nito:
Bitterness. Dapat tanggapin na lang ang lahat nang walang pag-iimbot at buong katapatan (?).
Regret. Nangyari na ang mga nangyari. Hindi na pwede bawiin o balikan.
Unforgiveness. Hindi ako perpekto kaya wala akong karapatang hindi magpatawad.
Pero hindi ko kaya tanggalin ang mga nabanggit ko. Bahagi na talaga ng kung sino ako ang mga bagay na 'to.
Kung pwede lang, i-reformat ko ang buhay ko. O kaya maglalagay na lang ako ng panibagong hard drive.
Bad trip.
Parang nangyari na 'to. Ewan ko lang. Pero, parang ganun na nga.Bago pa ako lumayo sa mundo eh nilalayuan na ko ng mundo (?).May naalala tuloy akong ginawa ko dati: Sayang lang naman kung malilimutan
Pinatibay pa natin itong samahan
Kung sana ang pinairal ay hindi yan
Sana walang away, at walang hidwaan
Yan tuloy, para na tayong puting pulburon
Matigas pero madaling madurog, at hindi malulon...
...o kapraningan ko lang 'to?
Uh...
Eksakto siguro ang timing ng pagtatapos ng halos isang dekadang pamamalagi ko sa YFC. Aalis na ako at pamilya ko papuntang Canada sa susunod na buwan. Isa pa, bente dos anyos na ako ngayon, at hindi na pang-YFC ang edad ko next year. At anim na taon na rin naman akong servant ni God / leader sa community, at dalawang taon (ata) dun ay sa provincial level. Kaya, siguro nga ay oras na.
Nitong nakalipas na Regional Conference, naramdaman kong sinabi sa akin ni God ang ilang bagay. Una, lahat ng sitwasyon na napadparan ko ay nangyari para matupad ang plano Niya at hindi ang sarili kong gusto. Pangalawa, hindi lahat ng pinagawa Niya ay dapat magustuhan ko, pero lahat ng ginawa Niya ay kinailangang mangyari. At pangatlo, ang mahalaga ay ang glory Niya, hindi ang kasikatan ko o nino man, at lalong hindi ang mga kasablayan o mga beses na pumalpak ang mga sinubukan kong bagay.
Madami akong regret sa mga nakalipas na taon. Hindi mabura-bura, pero unti-unti namang pinapagaan ni God, kaya ayus na rin. Ngayon, hindi na relevant ang mga regret na yun. Pinagdadasal ko na lang na kahit pakiramdam ko eh wala akong kwenta, sana ay may naipasa akong magandang bagay sa lahat ng na-enkwentro ko, mapa-YFC o hindi.
Kaya sa lahat ng nakasama ko sa YFC Cavite North-B (past or present), sa North Band (2004-07), sa North Sector, sa SIGA, Comm. Based, Provincial Core Group ng Cavite (2007-08), at sa kung sino-sino pang YFC sa Cavite o kahit saan man na nakadaupang palad ko, ayun...
Hindi ko alam ang mangyayari sa mga susunod na linggo, buwan at taon. Pero alam ko na marami kayo diyan, na, alam niyo na. Kaya salamat sa pagbabasa nito, at salamat sa pagtitiis sa akin.
Ayun. Bow.
Here's my dilemma. I don't like how it is in my soon-to-be-former workplace. I want to look for a new job but I'm afraid it's too late because my family is bound to Canada anytime within a 3-month span. And when the time comes to go there, I have to prepare for my career shift from health care (which by the way I also hate) to IT, which means I have to enroll in some sort of a school or training center or something. This means I have to not work or work part-time which is not possible in my present job. On the other hand, I don't want to be dependent financially from anyone.
So what to do? What to do...
Kaya ito ang gagawin ko. Iiwan ko ang putris na kumpanyang pinasukan ko dahil sa samu't saring dahilan. Isa dun ay dahil kailangan kong mag-aral para sa bagong larangan na papasukin ko sa Canada. At habang nag-aaral ako, maghahanap ako ng part-time job para may pera naman ako kahit paano.
Pwede na...nga ba?
I know that no one would notice this since everyone has moved to Facebook like a friggin' bomb shelter before a nuke blast, but, what the hell. I want to say this anyway. The comparison is apparent. I can feel it in my bones. Magkaibang magkaiba ang pinagtatrabahuhan ko ngayon sa pinanggalingan kong call center. Himayin natin. Er, hihimayin ko.
Accessibility
Company A: 96/100. Available ang transpo papunta sa lugar na 'to 24/7. Minus 4 points lang for the walking distance to the loading/unloading zone. Nagkaroon ako ng plantar fascitis 'cause of that.
Company, er, C (?): 60/100. Kind of a hassle. Hindi lang pala kind of. Pagdating ng 10pm wala nang jeep. It's a big "huh what??" dahil parang probinsya ang p*ta (?). Money Issues
A: 80/100. Disappointing lang ang appraisal ko nung regularization. Other than that, satisfied naman ako. I mean, earning almost 15K a month as a PART-TIMER?? How cool was that?!
C: 79/100. One step behind the previous one? Why?? Kahit mas mataas ang offer, eh, hmm, basta (?). But to be fair, may naiipon pa rin naman ako dito ngayon. Payroll System
A: 95/100. Issues are almost zero. Good thing is hindi 15-and-last-day-of-month. Rather, every other week ang sweldo. Five-point deduction though for that one time na na-delay ng isang araw ang sweldo 'cause of bank issues.
C: 65/100. Oh, man! First payout pa lang problema na. At nasundan pa. It's like we have to beat it into the payroll department's heads or something.
Shifts / Scheduling
A: 99/100. Walang kaproble-problema. Ayoko lang gawing perfect score.
C: 45/100. Compulsory double shifts. Next-day change of schedule. Well, yeah (?) Workload
A: 60/100. A lot of calls on queue. Reps should be know-it-all in terms of customer service, retention and billing. Almost half of the callers are irate.
C: 90/100. Hindi laging queuing. Iisa lang ang call flow. Then again, the management is demanding about the stats although the calls we receive are really way, way, way beyond our control. But that's a different issue. Management
A: 97/100. From the TLs to the OM to everyone else, they're hella nice to me and other employees. Repeat: hella nice.
C: 70/100. From the TLs to the.. OK, let me stop there. Mga TL lang ang matino tumrato sa mga rep. Even the TLs themselves get treated like crap.
Miscellaneous
A: 90/100. Sleeping area, cable TV noong panahon ng NBA Playoffs, malapit sa bilihan ng pagkain, maraming tao paglabas ng building kaya parang street party...
C: 91/100. One thing: vacation and sick leave credits upon hire.
All in all, Company A got an average of 88.14 while Company C had 71.43.
Which brings me back to the question: why did I leave my previous company again?
Isang taon na ata mula nung ibenta ang drum set ko. Medyo nagkaroon ng malaking puwang (?) sa kwarto ko. Unti-unti nga lang napunan ng basura at kung anu-ano pa.
At pagkalipas ng isang taon ng pag-iipon ng mga gamit para mawala ang naiwang bakante ng dati kong drums, kinailangang ilipat ng desktop PC ko dito sa kwarto ko (a.k.a. the former North Band studio) dahil nasunog ang electrical outlet sa 2nd floor sanhi ng nakaraang bagyo. Pagkatapos ng anim na taon ng computer set ko sa ikalawang palapag ay naigalaw din sa wakas, at inakyat dito sa kwarto ko.
Ayan. Medyo napunan ang nawala. Medyo lang.
Denied ang application ko sa nursing council ng NZ. Ganito natapos ang pagbabalak ko / nila (?) na makipagsapalaran sa lupain na iyon. Up next: Canada.
I'm about to go, and this time it's for real.
Countdown...
This time around last year, nagsisimula nang matutong ang sinaing. Unti-unti nabubuo ang isang madilim na plano. At natuloy nga ang planong yun.
Fast forward to February 20, almost half a year ago. Nagresign ako mula sa APAC sa pag-asang mappractice ko ulit ang propesyon ko. Natuloy ang resignation, pero walang bagong trabaho. Sa mga sumunod na linggo at buwan ay nabuhay ako sa konting ipon, huling sweldo at back pay galing APAC.
Which brings me to today.
Thinking that it has been a bluhhhhh year and the fulcrum is my decision to leave my previous work, I think it's safe to say that move changed everything.
August, September, October.
These months have a wide open exit to hell. And I get attracted to it every single year since, I don't know..
It won't happen again, for a change.
Hopefully..
Hey, someone stole my 3rd dot (?).
- Last weekend was the 5th anniversary of my blogging. My first blog site rongie.blogdrive.com signed on at 1am, on August 1, 2004.
- I'm feeling some cramps as a result of playing drums for the first time in a year.
- Me and my old band, the "Old North Band," reunited for a praisefest last night at the YFC Cavite North Sector Conference. Too bad we're missing some people, but nonetheless it was great!
- Well, hmm, yeah (?).
- This shifting schedule thing drives my neurons nuts. Then again I'm getting paid decently for doing almost nothing, so, what the hell (?).
...mula nang mag-start ako dito sa Cybernet - SlashSupport. Ayus.
Paano kung di ako natuto tumugtog ng kahit ano?
Eh di sana. . .
Tapos. . .
Tsaka. . .
Ayun.
Bottom line: masaya sana ang buhay ko ngayon.
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